Ava Adore

‘You got a purdy mouth.’

“Your girlfriend’s got a great ass,” Rh. said to me barside around 1am.

“Yeah—But she’s not my girlfriend,” I correctly kindly, mixed between surprised and scared. It was odd that suddenly we were being viewed as a couple, when we are still getting to know each other! But also somewhat validating, insofar as coworker recognition.

It is still a pleasant surprise, though, especially considering our barback’s reaction, how open-minded a strip club can really be—how people can really be.

In this same ‘heteronormative’ space, where clients will as soon ask about your girlfriend as boyfriend, many of the dancers are equally as open, regardless of their orientation or religion. In a way, I simply hadn’t expected it.

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She & Me & the Barback Makes 3.

So I’ve talked a little bit about strippercrushes… And I talked a little bit about Lo., who was turning from strippercrush into legit-crush, but she had to change clubs before I could care or make a move, really. But now… Now there’s Ch.

I have no designs or expectations, but I will say the attraction is mutual. She started about three weeks ago, give or take, and it went from me kinda looking out for her and loaning her clothes and giving her tips to being intrigued and kissing her.

It was last Friday that put it in that direction, but it wasn’t weird the next day; in fact, we exchanged numbers and flirted all through last night. We performed on stage together and kissed for customers.

And then, when her shift was over at midnight, we kissed for ourselves, in the locker room.

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Telephone?

Stop calling, stop calling, I don’t wanna talk anymore.
(I left my head and my heart on the dancefloor.)

While I was writing a rebuttal to this post on mmmfeminism, I realized another facet to the ‘reasons why’ posts—specifically the one concerning ‘dancing as therapy.’ Part of it has to do with this anonymous post (albeit not mine) on queersecrets.

It’s obvious why I don’t dig going to straight clubs unless on a favour. But I didn’t grasp until today, really, that gay-friendly clubs also don’t serve my purpose. Don’t get me wrong—I love gay clubs, drama aside. I get to flirt and drink and bullshit. But…

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Obs: Minds of All Sizes

This post picks up where this one leaves off and is the last in the trio.

So, you’ve heard me talk about how freeing locker room conversation can be, and how unique the girls’ relationships to one another can be, and also how sociologically intriguing our interactions with customers can be… And there’s more.

I ended the last post in this section with,
‘Shave your head, dress in men’s clothing on stage, and still be a successful dancer. You don’t have to, but it helps make my point; after all, I do it.’

The other interesting point concerning the male/female flip in socialization at a strip club produces, yes, douchebags—but also open minded folk. For every guy who walks in looking to put a girl down to make himself feel better, there’s a guy who’s had his share of knocks in life and has a vein of empathy in his body.

To my customers’ credit, 99% of the time I’m asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?” (to which I reply, ‘No.’) it is always followed up with, “…A girlfriend?”

I don’t know if you have to be part of the lgbt community to understand how awesome that is. Sure, it’s not the first question, it’s not the default setting—but it is the follow-up question, no prompts, no side-glances, no Katy-Perry-like insinuations. It’s obvious and easy, as if it were there all along, a question you could ask anyone.

That, my friends, is some huge stride. It shows me, anyway, working at the House as I do—and granted I’m speaking from a few points-of-privilege, especially concerning locale—that sociologically it’s… a big change. Changes are happening and they’re happening everywhere. The degrees may differ but the change is real.

Strippercrushes

Alright… this is another one of those weird, strippers-only locker room conversations. As I’ve said before, it’s a whole other world with its own guidelines and we all recognize it; that was actually something Lo., Mi., and I were laughing about last night—how you could never repeat what we say ‘in public’ because it wouldn’t be taken the same way.

Context. The context is everything.

Anyway… Most of the girls have ‘strippercrushes.’ It’s like a straight girl saying “I’d go gay for so-and-so,” or the slang for the hetero-equivalent of “girlcrush”—which is to say, there’s a surface value to it. There is a quality about them which makes them crushworthy, were you to swing that way, but it’s not serious.

There’s a level of inaccessibility; most (though not all) “girlcrushes” are on celebrities, models, and so forth. In hetero-land, it often also involves a talent, like singing (e.g. Hayley Williams). And that’s valid, it’s nice to see people appreciated across spectrums and appreciated within the growing safety nets of expanding sexualities.

Strippercrushes are kind of like that.

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Obs: Queerer Than You Think

This post picks up where this one left off.

So you’ve got the basic idea: this is an oddly feminist space, based on the interactions between females at the House and our chosen arrangements with the establishment. But what about the interactions between the girls and the (predominantly male) clients?

Men walk through the door with easy assumptions:
- The bodies on stage are female.
- They identify as girls, women, etc.

These assumptions are based on the nature of strip clubs. Because they ‘know’ this, men are actually wiling to overlook it. It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. You can challenge them left, right, and sideways, presenting as ‘male,’ socializing as ‘male,’ and they somehow accept this ‘maleness’ and thus assume a ‘female’ role. It is amazing.

Offering stereotypically ‘female’ socialization will actually hinder you as a dancer. Men will not approach you, even if they like you; at best they’ll have their friend, or a bartender, shyly call you over. They will sit in their bro-section laughing and ignoring the world until you approach them. It’s like the giggling gaggle of girls at a bar—reversed.

In this space, a dancer is able to be as ‘male’ as she wishes; she appropriates male privilege, being the aggressor, the pursuer, the breadwinner. She chooses you; she makes you feel wanted; she is cat to your mouse; and you pay her for it. Her interactions are her choices; if she doesn’t like you, she leaves, no consequences.

Don’t believe me?

Shave your head, dress in men’s clothing on stage, and still be a successful dancer. You don’t have to, but it helps make my point; after all, I do it.

ifyouwantedityouwould asked: Ok, so I'm just wondering if you can help me figure out what these girls (and by girls I mean strippers that I get lapdances from) want me to do when they say "I would turn gay for you"
Note: I'm a cute gay girl with adorable dimples
I mean. Is that the go-ahead for something and I'm just totally oblivious?

Haha, aw, mama. Alrighty. Let me try to cover all the bases…

1) “Is that the go ahead?” —No, you’re at a strip club. There is no “go ahead” unless you’d like to be kicked out. It’s true, the bouncers are more lenient with the female customers, but if you mean is that an actual invite to touch… notsomuch.

2) “What do they want me to do?” —Not much; they’re giving you the show you paid for, which is to say, to convince you that they like you: same for male or female, you’re paying for the illusion and temptation. Enjoy the experience.

3) “I would turn gay for you” —Red light there is ‘turn gay.’ Anyone who’s saying that to you is not gay. If I have a lady customer, I have no problem letting her know outright that I have The Gay.

So if you’re looking for some authentic girl on girl action, the strip club isn’t the place for it. If, however, you are nursing a fierce crush on one of the dancers and actually want to date her… Well, I’ll write up a separate post about that.

4) “I’m a cute gay girl with adorable dimples” —Stop by the House sometime when you’re in New York. ;)

Thank for the question!
And any of you following, feel free to send anything in. Those of you without a tumblr, try the email out. Nothing’s off limits.
(Watch me eat my words, haha.)

novagrrl asked: Do your girfriends ever get jealous?

No, and with good reason…

1) My girlfriend, should I have one, is welcome to come see me any time, with or without notice, should she desire. I have nothing to hide and there is nothing shameful about what I do. She would never have to worry imagining what may be going on; she could see it, if she likes.

2) I am a big ol’ dyke and have been ‘out’ for 11 years now, so that’s not going to change. There isn’t one gent who could walk through that door that’d get me to turn my head. That’s part of why dancing is easy for me: I feel completely unattached to my clientele. As for the dancers, they’re my coworkers; don’t mix business and pleasure.

3) If a lady customer did happen to enter (rare) who was not with her boyfriend (rarer) and was visibly a lesbian (pretty much nonexistent), I could understand why she may get jealous; however, being that she’s my girlfriend, she would know that I take commitment seriously, and if you get me to use the g-word, there is no one else I’d rather be with.

4) Physically speaking, it’s nothing she hasn’t seen before—and more, and better, and more personal. Plus, seeing me perform is just another form of foreplay, twisting voyeurism to our own personal amusement; like there’s a secret, and only the two of us know. It’s pretty sexy.

In closing, I’m currently single, so I have no girlfriend to get jealous. However, the recent three people I have steadily ‘seen’ in the non-committed sense have all been welcome at the House.

Thanks for the question! And cool username, by the way.