Ava Adore

DSM of Dbags: Type F: “That Guy.”

Installment six of the catalogue of the douchebags I meet.

Last night’s Douchebag of the Night: Type F, the “That Guy.”
Technically we already had a Douchebag of the Night from last night, but Type F needs to be addressed, so you get two douchebags for the price of one! Score!

The psychology of That Guy transcends the strip club. You know ‘That Guy’ at the party. You know ‘That Guy’ at the restaurant. And how many times do you say, ‘Aw, c’mon, don’t be That Guy.’ Well kids, That Guy is the most prevalent kind of strip club douchebag because he is subtle and hides under the disguise of normalcy. Alias: ‘Oh? Is This a Strip Club? Musta Had It Confused With Walgreens’ Guy. We get That Guys more than any other guy in the club, as far as douchebags go. That Guy has not a lot of tact and not a lot of money and  also some twisted version of morality, which combined makes for a not-so-fun encounter on the job. That Guy makes you wonder how he wound up in a strip club in the first place.

Which is to say, he wants to spend time with you… he’s even intrigued by you, you sexy mysterious little minx, or whatever he’s got up in his brain. He’ll talk but will not tip you for company because he feels it ‘debases’ you, because after all, if you were his girl, he wouldn’t feel ‘comfortable’ with you keeping this job.

He then goes on to say that no, he doesn’t really want to get lapdances, they’re so impersonal, and there’s no real benefit to it (cough cough), and that he wouldn’t pay for that, but oh, wouldn’t you let him take you out to dinner? That would be something, wouldn’t it? Yes, that would be just magical, I’m sure.

Not if you can’t even buy a goddamn lapdance, princess. Or tip me, pay me for my time, just like you would tip a massage therapist (which we often double as), a hair dresser, a bartender, a waitress… you know everything else you like to go out and do. Don’t waste my time, I’m not your free night out. I’m working. What are you doing here?

No. Really. What are you doing here? You aren’t tipping, you aren’t getting dances, and if your goal is a free tit show, go to a local bar on Ladies Night, I’m sure they’ll help you out. Oh? What’s that? You only wanted a drink or two?

…You want $9 beers and to watch TV on mute to the tune of pounding music with conveniently half-naked women in the way?

Alright, That Guy. Seriously. Who. Are. You Kidding.
But we all want to be That Guy’s Girl, right? Oh, of course we do.