Ava Adore

DSM of Dbags: Type J: “Boobytrap.”

Installment ten of the catalogue of the douchebags I meet.

Last night’s Douchebag of the Night: Type J, “Boobytrap.”

The psychology of the Boobytrap basically includes breasts—less colloquially, this trait is found in cisgendered women, because the gendering is the basis for the issue. Most cis women believe that because they, too, have a vagina, they should not have to pay you. If anything, you’re competition to their status as ‘arm candy’ or ‘hot dancer.’ Exceptions apply if not heterosexual.

This post has been a long time coming. We get this all the time. All the time. I held off on it because it’s true, we usually avoid women customers. And this, coming from me, the lesbian stripper.

But the bottom line is few good things come of interacting with women clientele unless they initiate it. You’ll either piss off their boyfriend—or they’re already pissed off that their boyfriend brought them to begin with—or they wish they were you.

It just not a good breeding ground for manners—or tips. And that’s the problem. On the floor, we stay away… but if you’re sitting at the bar attached to the boy who brought you, you’re taking up bar space. You’re in a chair. You’re in a paying customer’s chair and I just worked my ass off. You give me a goddamn dollar.

“I just got dragged here.”

“I’m not tipping.”

“I’m not interested.”

These are not acceptable responses from anyone sitting at the bar, man, woman, or otherwise—but this is the usual go-to response from a woman. And I hate it. Put up the dollar, okay? Then take it up with your boy because I didn’t ask you to be here, in a stage chair. Go sit in the corner or leave.

This is different for non-heterosexual women. Most non-hetero women seem to fall into the posturing young men do: that is, they view it as a ‘rite of passage’ to go out with ‘the bois’ and ogle at women and not pay them and go home to their ‘hotter girlfriends’—or toys, or hands, what have you.

Bottom line is you’re still a woman and you’re still not tipping me at the stage. Cut it the fuck out. And especially don’t start dancing bar-side like you could do it better. It’s tacky and I hate you. That being said, not all women are douchebags at the club. I have had excellent lady-clients; Hayley jumps right to mind.

It just seems that all women who are douchebags fit in this one category.