Ava Adore

DSM of Dbags: Type L: “The Waffler.”

Installment twelve of the catalogue of the douchebags I meet.

The other night’s Douchebag of the Night: Type L, “The Waffler.”

The psychology of the Waffler is a cowardly one. He knows where he is (a strip club) and what goes on there—and he didn’t just ‘come for the game’ and $9 beers. He looks like a client, talks like a client, walks like a client… but he just can’t seem to decide if he wants to act like one. The indecision is debilitating but you won’t know it until the last second—BAM! Waffled.

Now, he seems, for all intents and purposes, to be a regular ol’ client who buys drinks and chats and thinks he wants a lapdance. And he says yes, I want a lapdance, but not right now. Yes, I will dance with you, but before I go; I’m enjoying your company now. Yes, hold my keys as collateral (as my gent did Friday night).

A RARE WILD WAFFLER APPEARS!

And then when it comes right down to it, he’s decided he doesn’t want a dance, after all. Plus his friend is being a sober Cockblocker and may or may not have talked him out of it just to get everyone in the car faster, wasting less of his precious Cockblocker time. After all, his time is important: he has to get up early.

So you have wasted 2 hours of your time with this guy who can’t decide whether or not he wants a dance, but it happens so far into the 2 hour block that the promise itself no longer matters. Hour 1 was for promises. Hour 2 was for action and by-god, you are going to get some money out of this guy if it’s the last thing you do tonight.

It plays on your pride: the part of you that trained your Stripper Instincts™ to recognize these kinds of guys within 10 minutes of chatting with them. It’s these moments that send you back to Babystripperland, making you feel cheated and naiive. You’re a vet: you should know better. So getting any money off him in his last 5 minutes to validate your past 2 hours becomes a life-and-death situation.

And bitches, you best believe I did. This is why the stealth Waffler holds a special place in my heart in the higher rankings of douchebags.